My Neighbor Al, the Health Nut, was up and at 'em earlier than usual this morning. Today was garbage day in our neighborhood, so Al was busy getting his can [his garbage can, that is] out to the street barely before dawn. He thought I might be awake, so he rang my doorbell, wanting to know if I had the Italian Dark Roast brewing in the coffee pot yet. 'Just barely,' I told Al. 'And I'm just barely awake. So what's going on?' I could tell that Al had something on his mind that he couldn't wait to talk to me about. 'I thought I'd seen everything in the paper,' he said, 'but yesterday was one for the books.' 'Pretty big deal, huh?' I said. 'Tell me about it.' 'Well, when I read the paper at Hy-Vee, I saw a picture like I'd never seen in the paper.' 'A picture of what?' I asked. 'A picture of a virtually naked woman!' Al said. 'A naked woman?' I said. 'Well, not completely naked, but pretty damn naked,' Al explained. 'All she had on was a skimpy bikini that didn't cover much of anything. I looked pretty closely at that picture, and it seemed like the woman in the bikini should be starring in one of those commercials where they talk about shavers that ladies can use in areas where there is unwanted hair--if you know what I mean.' 'Interesting, Al,' I said. 'I think I know what you mean.' I maybe got a paper yesterday, but I didn't read it. I was busy doing other stuff. There's never anything in the Monday paper anyway. They should probably quit putting one out on Mondays. It's a joke. After Al had two cups of Italian Dark Roast and went back home, I finally located the paper--and the photo--that Al was talking about. The photo was of somebody named Chelsea Lawson, who is described as a bodybuilder. And Al was right. She doesn't wear much in the way of clothing. I guess the paper's editors, who are trying everything to boost the paper's sagging circulation numbers, now have resorted to publishing pictures of nearly-naked women. They've already tried telling readers who have canceled their subscriptions that they'll give 'em a month of papers free if they'll subscribe for a month. That evidently hasn't brought back any readers. I doubt printing pictures of naked women will help either. Meanwhile, back to reality. I've got to bring my garbage can back up to the house. The guy driving the garbage truck always leaves the lid to the can open after he empties my garbage, and I don't like it when rain falls in my can [my garbage can, that is].

Chelsea Lawson. Photo courtesy of Google.