RON MALY HAS BEEN WATCHING THE PARADE GO BY FOR A LONG TIME. THIS IS ONE OF HIS WEBSITES.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Memo To Al: It Won't Be a Tie

I went over to see my neighbor Al, the health nut, this morning. I didn't know this was his day--or his month--to change the oil in his 2003
Roland H. Thompson
Ford pickup, but there he was, wearing coveralls and sliding under the truck on his creeper. "Got any thoughts on the Iowa-Iowa State game?" I asked Al.  "I think it'll be a tie," Al said. "Ties aren't permitted anymore in college football," I pointed out to Al, who was trying to make a joke because he doesn't think either team is very good. Al, of course, is a huge Northern Iowa fan, and has been flying the Panther flag on his pole since the Fourth of July. So he won't be going to the Iowa-Iowa State game in Ames unless somebody gives him a free ticket. "I'd probably have second thoughts about driving up there anyway," Al said. "Why?" I asked. "I think it's going to be a decent game." "The main reason I don't want to be there, especially in the tailgate area, is because I've heard that the paper is sending that clown Daniel P. Finney up there to do a feature story on the tailgaters," Al said. "Finney is famous for eating and using other peoples' names. He's always first in line at the all-you-can-eat greasy-spoon buffets around town, so I'm sure he'll be spending a lot of time looking for free food in the tailgate area while he's interviewing fans. I think the last time the paper did a project like that when they sent Russ Karnes to the State Fair to find out how much he ate out there. I'm pretty sure Finney will outdo Karnes in a bigtime way. Both of those guys weigh more than the offensive linemen at Iowa State and Iowa."  "Well, maybe Finney will be going to the tailgate area posing as Roland H. Thompson, one of his other names," I pointed out. "Then whose byline will be in the paper?" I asked. "That's Rick Green's problem," I answered. "And Finney also is Green's problem."