RON MALY HAS BEEN WATCHING THE PARADE GO BY FOR A LONG TIME. THIS IS ONE OF HIS WEBSITES.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Desperation


By RON MALY

It was at about 1:30 this afternoon that my doorbell rang.

It was My Neighbor Al, the Health Nut.

"Hey, Ron, I thought I'd catch up with you before TV gets rolling with the Super Bowl pregame stuff," Al said. "Got a cup of Italian Dark Roast?"

Courtesy of Google

"I can make you one in a minute," I said.  "But I'll stick to water.  No coffee for me. After church, we stopped for a big breakfast at the Cozy Cafe on 35th Street. 

"I had enough coffee there to choke Harlan Miller, if he was still alive.  So I won't be needing any Italian Dark Roast until tomorrow. 

[Editor's note: Harlan Miller [April 3, 1897-Aug. 7, 1968] authored the Over the Coffee column in the paper for 40 years or so].

"What's on your mind?"

"Well,  I was at Hy-Vee this morning to read the paper. I was wondering if you've read about all the changes that are going to be taking place down at that place," Al said.

"I haven't read anything except the church bulletin yet," I told Al. "How did you have time to read the paper at Hy-Vee? I thought you'd be in church."

"Diane and I went last night," Al explained. "We took the pastor and his wife out for supper after the service."

"Bless both you and Diane, Al," I said. "But back to the changes at the paper. What are they, and who wrote the story about them?"

"Well, I think the story was written by the publisher. I've forgotten her name, but I'm guessing it's Mary Stier."

"Mary Stier?" I said. "Al, you're in the wrong decade. Maybe the wrong century. They change publishers at the paper every six months or so, and Mary Stier left a long time ago, right after getting the 20-year watch she didn't deserve."

"Well, you know more about that kind of stuff than I know," Al said. "But I scanned the story about the changes written by whoever the publisher is now, and I'm already wondering if they know what they're doing down there on Locust, or wherever the paper is now.

"One thing I noticed was that comic book expert Daniel P. Finney is going to, in the publisher's words, be producing 'a new feature.' That's one reason right there to not expect anything from the changes in the paper, and for people who still buy it to cancel their subscriptions."

Al was on-target about that.

Finney, of course, is the clown who has a history of writing imaginary stories under fictitious bylines. I think the man lives in a cartoon-like world. I have warned people to not believe anything he writes. Google him [if you can stand the thought of that] sometime and read his bio.

Typical of the stuff written by Finney was the story he did for Saturday's paper about the new made-for-TV movie about Gabby Douglas. Instead of getting an advance copy of the film so he could review it himself, Finney took the lazy way out and relied on reviews written by other people.

Gabby Douglas evidently knows Finney's history. She wouldn't return his phone calls for the story, and he also didn't have any quotes from  Gabby's  trainer. 

All in all, it was a horrible story, as most of Finney's stuff is.

I saw part of the movie last night on DirecTV, and thought it was pretty good. Hell, nobody expected an Academy Award-winner from  low-budget deal like that.

But enough about the biggest airhead in the newsroom.

"The paper is going to start using some pages from USA Today in the news and sports sections in about a week," Al told me. "You and I talked about that a while back, and you told me that move will likely cost more reporters and editors their jobs in Des Moines."

"True," I said. "It looks to me like the paper has reached the point of desperation."

"Well, I'm certainly expecting no improvement in the so-called new paper," Al said. "I won't be buying any tablet so I can read the paper at 11 o'clock at night because I've got more important things to do at 11 p.m. 

"And, as for tablets, I bought my last one when I was in elementary school. No more for me.

"I'll still be reading the paper, what there is of it,  free in the deli at Hy-Vee."

"Let me know if you see anything good," I told Al.  "As far as I'm concerned, the paper is getting worse instead of better.  The day John Carlson retired from the opinion pages, things really went to hell."

"Got another cup?" Al asked.