RON MALY HAS BEEN WATCHING THE PARADE GO BY FOR A LONG TIME. THIS IS ONE OF HIS WEBSITES.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Hawaii

Friday, December 13, 2013




By RON MALY

I've got plenty of things on my plate today and tonight. More Christmas shopping, a trip to Hy-Vee and Fareway to see which one will dig the deepest into my pockets, a 2-mile walk, some time on the stationary bike, the Valley-Dowling boys-girls' doubleheader.  

And wouldn't you know it--my neighbor Al, the health nut, was ringing my doorbell at 7:30 a.m., asking if I had a cup of Dark Italian Roast.

"I've been looking for you," Al said. "You've been home for a week or so from Hawaii and I've been trying to touch base with you so I can hear about your latest cruise."

"Great trip, Al," I said. "We've been on three cruises in the last 18 months--first on a trans-Atlantic trip to and from Italy, Madeira Island off Portugal and Monte Carlo, then in June to Alaska, and now this one to Hawaii. This one was the best yet."
Hello from Hilo

"I'm surprised you'd say that," Al commented. 

"You missed Iowa's big football wins over Michigan and Nebraska, and you missed Thanksgiving in Iowa."

Al must've been kidding with that comment.

"No problem, Al," I answered. "I was living like a king and eating like Floyd of Rosedale in Hawaii and on the Pacific Ocean. 

"The TV in our balcony room had all of the sports and news
Star Princess
channels I needed, so I saw the entire Iowa-Nebraska and Michigan-Ohio State games on the Star Princess, our ship, and I got updates on the Iowa-Michigan game.

"I was happy to see the Hawkeyes finish the regular season so well because I figure that'll make sales of my third Iowa football book even better."
Oriental lunch, including fresh pineapple, on the Star Princes 

"Did you have turkey on the ship or on the Big Island on Thanksgiving day?" Al asked.            
"I said before we left that I'd have turkey only unless there was something better on the menu," I answered. "I didn't have turkey, so that'll give you an idea about how good the
Plenty of fish, vegetables and seeds
food was. The closest thing I had to turkey and any other Thanksgiving food was lobster and prawns.

"I followed your advice because you're the health nut. I ate plenty of seafood--always for dinner, sometimes at the other meals throughout the day. 

"We had lobster for two dinners, and at one of the meals the waiter asked if each of us wanted a second lobster. Now, that's service.

"Despite it being the Thanksgiving season, I
Baked Alaska
didn't bother with any pumpkin pie [one of the desserts at the final dinner on the ship was Baked Alaska]. 

"The closest I came to pumpkin was pumpkin seeds. I've become a big seeds eater, so I sprinkled lots of pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds and whatever other kinds of seeds I could find on my salads at the lunch buffet."

"I suppose the weather was great, huh?" Al said.

"Fantastic, Al," I answered. "It was 80 degrees or warmer on all four of the islands we visited--Oahu, Kauai, Maui and Hilo on the Big Island. I was thinking of you while drinking coffee in
Some of Hawaii's beauty
the morning on the balcony of the ship."

"Sure, I'll bet you were," Al said. "Those were probably the days I was freezing my ass off when I was going to Hy-Vee to see if there was anything in the paper worth reading."

"Was there?" I asked.

"Was there what?" Al said.

"Anything worth reading," I said.

"Very little," Al said. "I read the obituaries, and I was through with the paper in 90 seconds. One of the obits I noticed was the one about Drake Mabry, one of your old cronies at 8th & Locust. Didn't you tell me once that Mabry was the news boss at the Tribune, and when the managing editor job at the Register was vacant, the asshole Gartner made Mabry and some other guys apply for the job? Then they didn't get it."

"I don't know, Al.  I've forgotten about all of that crap," I said.

"Let's get to the important stuff. If I were Nebraska's first-year athletic director or the school president, I would've fired football coach Bo Pelini 5 minutes after his team was clobbered by Iowa, 38-17.  

"I saw his postgame press conference on TV, and when he called the unsportsmanlike conduct call against him "chickenshit," then dared Nebraska to fire him, I'd have done just that. I'd have canned the jackoff.

"The fact that Nebraska didn't fire him tells me he's got the place by the balls because of his $7 million-or-so buyout. I think he's a bum."

"Getting back to Hawaii, what was your favorite island?" Al asked.

"This might surprise you, but I'm going to say Kauai," I said. "All of Hawaii is absolutely beautiful, and I know rave about Maui,  but I thought Kauai was wonderful. 

"They told us there were fewer than 70,000 people on the entire island, and the rest of the place is totally beautiful nature.

At Waimea Canyon

"We visited the Waimea Canyon there, and it was like Heaven on earth. I could've stayed there for a week, just enjoying the scenery and breathing the air."
Beach on Oahu

I told Al we visited the beach on Oahu where part of the movie From Here To Eternity was filmed in 1953. 

That the movie in which Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr turned in what was probably the sexiest beach scene in movie history. 

"Because the destination of the cruise was the Hawaiian Islands, the movie was shown on the in-room TVs throughout the trip," I told Al.  "I
Beach Scene in From Here To Eternity
saw Frank Sinatra, Ernest Borgnine and Montgomery Clift get killed plenty of times."

"I know you always meet a lot of interesting people on those cruises," Al said. "Was it that way this time, too?"

"Absolutely," I said. "We saw different people from all parts of the world at every meal. One night we were joined by Joan and Allan Cooper of Milton, Scotland, who told us they live in a house that was built in 1746. I can't imagine anything like that. That means the house was built long before the Revolutionary War in America.

"There are plenty of other houses of that vintage in Milton, a community of fewer than
Allan and Joan Cooper of Milton, Scotland
1,000 people. Allan Cooper told us his son lives in a house that's 20 years newer than his, and that there are four other 18th-century houses on the market in Milton now."

"Do you plan to buy one?" Al asked.

"If I can get over to Scotland sometime soon, I might," I said.

By the way, I meant that as a joke. I'm not sure ESPN is available in Milton. I wouldn't want to miss the telecast of the press conference when Bo Pelini is finally canned at Nebraska. Besides, Allan Cooper told us Milton gets as much, or more, snow than Iowa.

Another night on the ship, I sat next to a guy from Arizona. When I told him I was from central Iowa, he said, "I know someone from your area very well."

"Who?" I asked.

"Johnny Orr," the man said. "I was a teammate of Johnny on the Beloit College teams in Wisconsin. He was quite a collegiate basketball player."

Orr was a standout on the Beloit teams coached by Dolph Stanley [who later was the athletic director at Drake for a short time]. Stanley's Beloit teams won six straight Midwest Conference titles in his 12 seasons as coach, and one of his teams crushed Cornell College of Mt. Vernon, IA, 141-53.

"The next time I see Johnny I'll tell him I talked with you," I told the man. "I'll tell him I finally saw the best player ever to perform for Beloit. I'll say something like, 'Johnny, you've been telling me for years that you were the best player at Beloit. Now I've finally found the guy who was better.'"

Just joking again, of course.

"'Johnny will get a kick out of that," the man said.

"Sounds like you had a great time," Al said. "Pour me another cup of Dark Roast."